Lost in the freedom of adulting
Hi, from the wilderness of adulting.
Out here at the intersection of creative freedom and choices, where the horizon stretches beyond our sight and our sense of direction gets a little confused; the arrow on our compass bouncing and jittering, failing to point our journey in any real direction. You might be like me in this overwhelm of choice.
I’ve built a project. A fine jewellery business alongside an already full life - kids, full-time employment, building a home and all that comes with it.
This part of the journey, this building a business from scratch with zero backing, this is the unchartered territory in which we find ourselves.
Anyone who has taken a leap of any sort - a move to a new town, a new career, a foray into the creative arts or a dive into self-employment can relate, I’m sure. For all that you invest, there are no guaranteed outcomes. No established path to follow and no one looking over your shoulder to tell you you’re on the right path.
This route into the unknown puts us in unchartered territory.
This train of thought, this the itch in my brain that developed into the Varsity Collection.
Adulting is a far move from where we begin in this world. A structured system of learning, assessment and desired outcomes through school. I was good at this chapter. School. University. the boundaries clearly defined like lines marked on a football field. The world of education is something I understood. For those who can follow the rules and toe the line of expectation, the school yard is easily navigated.
Every day you know what to expect.
Set subjects.
Clear goals.
You start with the basics and build on that knowledge. You are assessed on your understanding of a topic, tick that off and move to the next goal.
You complete subjects, terms, years, and progressively move from goal to goal. Along the way you compete in a range of different disciplines, collecting stickers, trophies, awards, a hearty round of applause and a glowing report card for each undertaking completed. Action is rewarded at every turn.
And then you wander off the path and into the real world. A mean we do it with gusto, enthusiasm and a hefty dose of ‘do I dye my hair purple’ rashness. Pink Floyd pumping in the background as we give the bird to the institution that clipped our wings for so long. No thought control indeed.
At first, it’s amazing. Liberating. All of these choices, possibility in every direction. The freedom feels incredible. How lucky we are to have such choice; we cannot discount that. To live in a world of choice is to be truly blessed. But it can also be oh so tiring.
Some days, without the perimeters of knowing where the path is or where it is leading as you build a dream of your own, can feel overwhelming. A crush of choices, decisions, options and possibilities that can befuddle and bamboozle more than anything. I mean we’ve all been in the cafe line and frozen at the counter at the pure number of order options - why do we have a standard cappuccino order you think? Because my brain hurts sometimes and I don’t need another decision lumped on top.
We don’t ever think that this pool of possibility will have a downside, but when every direction is available, nothing is certain. How paralyzing for even the most certain amongst us.
I’m two years into this project. I’ve wandered into the darkness and have gone too far to turn around and return to the safety of the known. The time invested, the product development and design, the sunken costs of marketing, missed events, delayed projects, postponed life. It all has to be driven by something bigger, and you might relate to this, because not only do we need to have the drive to make the thing and bring it into existence, but to also believe it has value before that is proven.
It is deciding each and every day to do the work. To take a step toward the unknown and decide that it is worth of that time. That sacrifice. To actually just sit down and do the thing. Every day. For an undetermined amount of time, with no guarantee of success at any stage. And yet here we are. Writers, artists, lovers, dreamers. All chasing the dreams made possible in adulthood with blind optimism.
There must be in us, aside from delusion, a sense of defiance that drives the creative in us to push forward in this unknown wilderness. The thing that lights a flame, enabling us to stumble forward, forging out a direction, even as we move unsure of the final destination. Call it defiance.
For those who walked out of an established career because they didn’t find a purpose in their everyday. For those who started the business even when their family insisted it wouldn’t pay the bills. For the rebels who just needed someone to say, ‘that won’t work’ - therein lies the fire. The spark that not only kick starts this wander into the darkness, but provides the fuel when times get complicated to just keep moving forward, regardless of what anyone else might think. Here’s to the advice of someone whose world you wouldn’t want to be in, being spectacularly ignored.
So shrug-off the naysayers. But learn from those who’s advice matters. For me, it was finding some trusted opinions in the noise. Because there are people who’s counsel we can take on board and this is what might save those of us wandering blindly.
For this little chicken, it’s other girlies in business. Not even necessarily in the same field. Some mums who are all in the juggle together, each finding their feet in their respective areas. For us it looks like an artist and photographer, a cafe owner, a jewellery designer. We do coffee when we can, we do chaotic playdates with kids and scheme new collections and events when we can. A shoulder to cry on, a guaranteed pourer of a wine when needed, a fellow dreamer. Someone to toss ideas against when the voices in your head drown out reason. A no judgement zone and a place to ask the craziest of questions.
The good news for me is I’ve found this space and it’s just ensuring we nurture it along the way, but if you're still spinning your wheels in the darkness, just know that these people are out there. Here on Substack. Hanging at the local cafe waiting for you to say hi. Introduce yourself to your local boutique owner, the photographer, the artist, because the darkness can get overwhelmingly lonely. My favorite question to find out if you're on the same page is asking someone what their working on right now. Those with a glint in their eye and a dream are the ones you want in your corner…. you don’t know if you don’t ask.
So, that’s where we are. Still out in the wilderness, but with the right kind of fire behind us. We still have days where we wonder if it’s all for nothing or if we’ve been going backwards for the past week, but we’ll push through just to see what’s on the other side.
There is no secret map. It’s realizing that you map it out as you move through and its only in hindsight that you can see how far you’ve come. Just keep going.
Ash x
